The Obsessive Cleaner

These are the kind of people who are obsessed with cleaning EVERYTHING, they want every nook and cranny of their house to have a spotless shine to it. And Diwali is the perfect excuse! If you enter their house wearing slippers during ‘diwali cleanse’, they will literally throw you out. Dust is their enemy! These people keep Collin, Harpic and Vacuum Cleaners in business.

The Diwali-Frenzy Shopper

Okay, so with the onset of Diwali we see number of sales popping up, upto 80% off and what not. This is the golden time for the frenzy shopper. These are the people who take the word ‘ganjing’ a little too seriously and scourge the markets like they’ve lost a family heirloom there. These people have no other concern except buying anything and everything that is categorized within the Diwali Sale. From double door refrigerators and cars to broomstick and dust pans, they shop like there is no tomorrow.

The over dresser

We all know and have met this person. This is the person that goes to a wedding and gets asked if he/she is the groom/bride. This is the person that lives and breathes fashion magazines like ‘Vogue’ and ‘Harper Bazaar’, and you know once they go in to get dressed there is nothing you can do to rush them through the rigorous process of pinning their hair, applying make-up or tucking in their shirt a 1000th time. They are “Rihanna” to the Met Gala of Diwali.

The BUM enthusiast

Most likely your over excited cousin Raju.

This is the person that gets all hyped up once Diwali comes close and you repeatedly hear things like “Bhai sutli bum le aate hai” or “Bhai nitrogen bum khareed le”. They constantly wreck havoc wherever they go and you wonder how long will it take for them to burn their eyebrows or their fingers. These are the walking and talking FIRE HAZARD signs in real life, who are potential arsonists!

The green Diwali friend

Global Warming, Greenhouse Effect and Climate Change. Green Diwali fiends are the brand ambassadors of Greenpeace and PeTA etc etc. They are the people who upload pictures of posters saying “A happy Diwali is a cracker free Diwali” or “This Diwali burn away your ego and not crackers”. I mean cracker is their mortal enemy! They will fight you to death over the bad-effects of burning crackers while they will smoke 10 cigarettes, sit in their AC rooms and say “Patakhon se pollution bohot hota hai bhai

The quintessential Lucknowite

Are you a Lucknowi or are you a Lucknowi? Lucknowis cannot be bereft of the Awadhi culture in whatever they do.These people find it difficult to be anything but Lucknowi. Be it a casual Saturday or the Diwali eve, you’ll still find them scouting for a Ghazal concert.

The strict traditionalist

These are the people who live and die by tradition - essentially your neighbourhood Rajshree productions. These are the people who freak out if you wear black colored clothes during the pooja and are very vocal about how there should be 101 diyas , 11 of ghee and the remaining of mustard oil, the rangoli should not face south and you cannot worship God until you face the east. And they behave as if they were present during the initial Diwali celebrations!

The decorator

There are two kinds of people, people ho decorate and people who DECORATE!! Now these are the people who go extraaa for every single thing, they have lighting sorted by color and number, they have bandhanwaars, torans shiny mirrors, beaded diyas, fake flowers, crystal vases, scented candles, light fixtures, rangoli colors and only the Lord knows what, stored and bought because for them festivities mean decoration.

The Diwali-only gamblers

Now I’m not saying that people gamble during Diwali, but people REALLY GAMBLE during Diwali. The day following ‘Badi Diwali’ is Jamghat and what do people do on Jamghat, they play cards and drink. Every family has that one person who’s extremely bad at cards and yet plays every time and loses every time .

But it is all fun and games ‘cause Diwali roz roz toh aati nahin’ and ‘I only gamble on Diwali, never otherwise’.

The compulsive eaters

You know this person, this person lives in the same house as you do, sleeps in the same bed as you do and wears the same clothes you do. YOU are this person!!!!!

Diwali is a gastronomical extravaganza for people, from the many boxes of sweets people gift each other, to the laddoos and kachoris that are made at home, we all at one point or the other have been guilty of being this person.

So there you have it, these are the many types of Lucknowis we meet and become during Diwali. Tag your friends and let them know which one they are.

Happy Diwali!

*Chomps on two laddoos at once*

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